Avoiding The Imaginary

Have you ever been presented with a challenge that seemed like it was IMPOSSIBLE to over come?

Have you ever instantly jumped into "reaction" mode because you didn't think there was anything else to do?

I know I have...

But then you actually go through the thing and you say to yourself "man, that wasn't that big of a deal?"

This might sound like a relatively simple idea, but keep one thing in mind when a new challenge arrives: You are seeing it from YOUR perspective.

No one elses...

Others might have INFLUENCE on you... Like when you get that tiny little "fear rush" when a friend says "...wow, I couldn't deal with something like that..." or your Mom says "...that sounds like it's really hard..."

And then you get through the situation or the challenge and you say to yourself "Gosh, that was no big deal!"...

Well, what if you were at a place where you didn't even need to go through the questioning in the first place? Wouldn't that be a great place to be?

What if you were able to simply deal with things powerfully and from a perspective that was actually outside of the immediate scope of the problem or challenge?

So, what's the "secret sauce"? Is it just self-confidence or having enough self-awareness that you are doing what you're doing?

Here's what works for me...

It's confidence in your own skin and comfort in knowing who you are.

If you are comfortable with yourself it really shows when you talk (and interact) with others... and it allows you to calmly observe a situation even if your in the middle of it.

With these two pieces, you can objectively look at just about any situation, assess it for what it is and deal head-on with **reality**.

Let's take a tough example... (At least this was a tough one for me)...

My "ex" starts to date someone else... I meet this other person, but then the voices in my head start talking and saying "she's comparing me to him" or "he looks really great, I wonder if..."

All of this happens in my subconscious by the way, and I have little control over it... This is part of being human...

I then start to make this mean something that it doesn't... I start to look at the dating relationship and be sad for myself that I'm not in one... or maybe my "comparison" starts to make it about ME rather than what it really is about...

Whoa... hold on for a minute...

You see how quickly I started the "death wobble on the skateboard"...?

It's at this point confidence and comfort NEED to kick in... Take a deep breath and think about what just happened.

Just because my "ex" is dating someone else, doesn't mean I'm a bad person. It also doesn't mean that they aren't still, in some way, attracted to me... It doesn't mean that I'm not good looking and it doesn't mean any of the stuff that I automatically started thinking about.

It's really just two people dating... and that's it.

Nothing more and nothing less...

It's this level of being able to think that will really set us apart from the rest of the Single Parents out there.

You see, by simply stopping and really seeing the sitiation for what it was you were able to avoid the imaginary... The imaginary, in this example, being what my "ex" was thinking and what I was attaching meaning to.

What if you had this skill when dealing with your children?

What if you had this the first time they went to school? Or lied to you?

And if you think about it, this really can apply to your entire LIFE!

So, to recap, continue to work on the comfort with yourself and your confidence. Once you become a master at this you can calmly deal with anything that life throws your way, be able to step outside of a problem or challenge, and observe what's really happening... and in most cases, it's far, far less than what we think it is.

As you're avoiding the imaginary and dealing head on with reality, remember that we're in this together, learning lessons along the way.

Talk to you soon,