I Am Influenced By Television...

I have to say, that I don't watch alot of television... So when a friend makes a recommendation I try to follow through and check it out...

I was recently told about a show called 30 Days in which Morgan Spurlock... the same guy that did the McDonald's Movie "SuperSize Me".

The premise of the show is that they take someone with a strong view and place them with someone who embraces the opposite view for 30 days.

I know, I know, reality t.v. for the most part seems pretty lame...

And when you have built-in conflict, that makes for a controversial show from the beginning.

This particular episode really hit home...

And it addressed something that I've been thinking about for awhile.

The show took a hunter and avid meat-eater out of a mid-west state (as I recall) and placed him with a Vegan family living in Los Angeles.

At first it was predictable...

Two radically opposing viewpoints placed together... people being stubborn and sticking with their beliefs and so forth.

And there was a transition where a place of awareness hit the hunter.

All the while not "caving into" the Vegan lifestyle, but rather taking in what the family believed in and being exposed to the cruelty that animals suffer.

This got him thinking about animals and their place in this world...

It also got him thinking about accepting people despite their opposing views.

It didn't happen overnight and he was very open about this transition, which was a very cool thing for the viewers to observe.

For me, personally, I've been a vegetarian in the past...

And I have to admit, it was more like "I didn't eat meat".

It only took one tiny food poisoning incident from a fast food resturant to make me switch over.

And that was years ago...

Since then, I'd fallen back into a lifestyle that included not only eating meat, but occasionally going to fast food resturants.

This episode actually inspired me to take a look at my current eating habits.

But like most things in life, there were places where I could improve.

You know, a few cookies here... and extra ice cream there...

In any case, I've made the descision to stop eating meat.

It's a personal descision, and yes, the TV show "30 Days" did play a role in my arrival at this choice.

And the reason I even mention this is for a couple reasons... First and foremost is Choice.

It made me think about the idea that if I am not living a life based on choice, I am living out of obligation or "auto-pilot"... and as a Single Parent, this is a tough place to be.

In fact, it's a tough place to be for anyone.

Secondly, it's my declaration to you that I'm making this choice.

This takes my original idea of not eating meat to another level.

It's like a sort of "automatic accountability" that's attached to mentioning it.

The way I interpret this is me making a difference...

Even by one person not eating meat it's my personal stand.

The "pitfall" is to not live within that stand.

In other words, when I make a descision like this, it's for me.

How does this relate to being a parent?

I see this as being important on two levels...

The first level is change... Being able to, by example, show your children that you CAN change... And that well-thought ideals are important to have.

If you are complaining about something but don't do anything about it, your child is going to make that association and repeat the cycle...

So, first off, it's example.

Secondly, and this happens actually BEFORE the first reason, it's self-awareness.

And much like the Hunter in the episode of "30 Days" I was disgusted by the way that animals are being treated.

I also was really suprised at the conditions in which the animals lived and the amount of pain that was going on just to make sure that the fast food resturant on the corner was stocked with meat.

Was there anything "wrong" with me when I ate meat?

No, there wasn't.

Is it wrong for OTHERS to eat meat?

Nope, not at all.

When my reason for doing something was to be the difference or be the change it became less about me and more about my place in the world.

What began as self-awareness resulted in immediate action...

The bottom line is this... I might be one Single Dad but given the chance I can BE the difference.

And this is the same thing that lead me to write my book.

If I end up helping one person become a better parent, than I consider that success!

I believe in the concept of community... and I believe that we can take the lessons we learn in life and teach them to each other in order to grow into better people.

Do I think we can change the world overnight?

Only time will answer that question.

But what I do know is that by continuing to live a life of choice, you are free from obligation and open yourself up to anything that you want from life.

So, as you're finding out what's important to you remember that we're all in this together learning lessons along the way...

Talk to you soon,

Painting The Door White...

I recently put my house up for sale... and it's been a challenging ordeal to say the least...

Being a Single Parent there are a few things that I have to deal with that parenting with a Partner would make easier... which, on the surface is following around a four year old and picking up toys that she leaves out...

As with most of the things I do, I found a "zen" type moment when I was painting the door.

And I wanted to share it with you.

It all starts the day I signed with the Real Estate company, which was Saturday.

After all the paperwork got out of the way and I was satisfied that my questions were answered, it was time to start taking pictures and making sure the house was as tidy as possible.

The real estate agent started snapping away and then I noticed that she stopped.

She had gone into the kitchen, grabbed a rag and started cleaning the door jam.

It's a white door jam that, over the years, had become dingy... It had scuffs on it and a few chips of paint that were pretty noticeable...

And, you know, it was like washing your car... Right after you wash your car you can see the tiny dings and scratches in it...

I mean, they were there before... but they were hidden under the dirt and grime your car picked up from the road.

Well, the same thing happened to the door.

It's taken years of abuse as being both the portal to the house and the way to the escape pod.

It's seen many a happy time and sometimes the sad times.

As I watched her try to remove the scuffs from the door I realized that there was only one choice to make it actually look decent... and that was to paint it.

I pointed this out to her and she agreed...

So here I was... two hours after all the pictures were taken and the real estate agent left... My daughter was content sitting at the table with a coloring book and I was "white-washing" my front door.

And then it hit me... This is just like my life.

Of course, the cliche thing would be to parallel painting the door with the decisions we make in life... how sometimes we get emotional "scrapes" and mental "dings" along our path.

Don't get me wrong, all those are true...

I wanted to use painting the door as an example of taking something "old", like a concept or an idea, and making it into something new.

You know, like when you go back and read a book for a second time... You pick up on subtle nuances that you didn't notice before. And where they there? Yes, of course they were... you just didn't see them.

This is how I felt when I was painting the door.

I was so used to seeing the door the way it was that I didn't even notice the tiny amount of "damage" that was done to it.

And then I thought about this a little deeper... And how this applies directly to life.

You see, painting is a little like catching up on this, or having the realization that you want to change something...

Is it fine on it's own?

Of course it was... I mean, the door still opened and still allowed for us to leave and enter my house.

But with the paint on it, it LOOKED better... Ultimately giving a better FEELING because it seemed cleaner.

But what about actual "repairs"? Things in life we notice that we want to actually CHANGE.

Those are like cracks you see in a wall.

What do you do with a crack? You get out some spakle and you repair it.

You notice where the damage happened and you fix it.

What do we do after we patch a crack?

We paint over it... Painting could symbolize something new... it could mean a cover-up or it could be a resolution...

But for this example let's say that it represents something "cleaner".

You see, it depends on how you look at it... It's all water in a glass and nothing more. Sometimes it's half full and sometimes it's half empty.... it's the perspective of something new and clean that adds the ambiance to it.

As your patching the cracks in your life and adding on a new coat of paint, remember that we're in this together, learning lessons along the way.

Talk to you soon,

Living From The Possibility Perspective

The concept of Possibilty is a huge one... But one that I wanted to start blogging about.

In fact, I feel so strongly about the idea of Possibility that I'm about ready to share with you a new perspective on LIFE!

And if you haven't had a chance to really study this and wrap your mind around it, there is no time like the present... ha ha!

Possibility, as defined by American Heritage dictionary and Dictionary.com is "Potentiality for favorable or interesting results".

In other words, all ideas - good or bad, started out as a possibility... something that COULD happen.

Taking this simple and easy to digest concept, think about the things you do... both positive and negative in your life.

Do you do what you do because you're on "auto-pilot" or because you choose to.

This isn't something to take lightly... Think about it for just a second... Is choice a factor in what you do?

Now, take what you now know about possibility (from the raw definition) and apply it to your LIFE...

How can you LIVE in possibility??

Would you even WANT to??

The answer to both of those, from my own personal perspective, is "YES!"...

To live in possibility is the opposite of living within your "reasons"...

And I'm sure you know what "reasons" are... That little voice, or sometimes voices, inside your head that tell you why you should or shouldn't do something...

Let me give you an example...

So, say you want to take some flowers to a pretty barista you met at a coffee cart the other day... She's cute, funny and makes a mean Latte... three important qualities that you want in a girlfriend.

You gather up enough nerve to buy some flowers at New Seasons and you start walking to the coffee cart...

Then those voices start popping up... "Maybe she's got a boyfriend...", "Maybe this will bother her at work..." or "Maybe she will instantly reject me..."

You get frustrated and low and behold... the voices WIN!

You then get a block away from where she works and you throw the flowers into a close garbage can and walk the other way...

What I just described was a live lived within your reasons...

In other words, before you even had a chance to explore the POSSIBILITY of what her reaction was going to be you played Judge, Jury and Execution of your idea in less than thirty seconds...

Now you are out ten bucks for the flowers, twenty minutes of your time for walking to the coffee cart but more importantly you are out the possibility of a making a new friend, going out on a date or a potential life mate!!

When you divorce yourself from the idea of acceptance and rejection from others, a whole new world opens up... and the idea is the amazing world of possibility!

So, what would have REALLY happened if you brought the flowers to her?

That was a harsh example, but not out of context for us guys...

Who really knows... no one does... But, like most situations in life, we make them out to be a lot bigger in our minds then they are in "real life".

I call this living from the "possibility perspective"... meaning that you can see the possibility of good things in your life.

You can live a life not ruled by your "reasons" why something is good or something is bad.

Now, of course, keep in mind this is CONTEXTUAL and doesn't mean that you throw physical common sense out the window... In other words, you might justify to yourself why you are still smoking cigarettes... Those are still reasons... in this case, think of all the possibilities that NOT smoking could give you (fresh breath, longer life for you & your child, etc).

You can, in a sense, live "above" the negative internal language that you talk to yourself... and above the reasons why you limit yourself in your life.

And the vast majority of this is done through being aware of what you are saying to yourself and asking yourself one simple question: "Am I doing this or not doing this because I have a reason??"

As you're living your life from the "possibilty perspective" remember that we're in this together, learning lessons along the way.

Talk to you soon,

How To Be The Guardian of Your Perception and Awareness

Anyone who has read my blog before knows that I'm a big advocate for honesty and integrity.

I really believe that coming from a place of "authenticity" with any aspect of your life will give you the freedom that allows for self-expression and being aware of yourself.

My intention (and the reason I write this blog) is to give you the "straight talk" to get you on a good path. Notice I didn't say the "right" path or place you in a "correct" frame of mind...

I believe that everyone is unique and special, just like their situation of being a Parent and how to raise their children... I also believe that by assisting others and really bringing together that sense of "community" we are able to literally THRIVE off each other.

Okay, enough of my soapbox... let's get down to business!

Today I wanted to talk about perception and attention (or awareness)...

It's too easy to be engulfed by the negativity that surrounds us... An Ex says something that was hurtful, you see violence in a video game or you hear a story on the news about a missing child...

The point is that there are negative things around us all the time.

And the easiest way to counteract this is through having a positive self-awareness... or, more simply put, to be on the lookout for the good things in life.

I mean, hey, you wouldn't purposely EAT poisonous food, right?

And you certainly wouldn't feed your child poisonous food!

This is one way to think about the negative trends you see around you... if you doubt this, pick up a Newspaper or watch the News and you'll see what I mean.

In fact, even the vast majority of your conversations of people without this sort of awareness are going to be shrouded in negativity.

I'll go so far as to say that without awareness, you are simply a machine... a mechanical product that simply see something and reacts...

One of the best ways to overcome this is relatively simple.

It's quick thought replacement... and it takes literally 7 seconds!

If you have a negative idea or thought come into your head, counteract that thought with a good one... and it helps to have an arsenal of good thoughts and ideas ready if this comes up!

Here is an example...

Last week we had a milestone in my house... My four year old daughter has officially given up on Juice Cups.

Of course, this means that she's drinking out of a regular glass.

With this comes the greater possibility of accidents.

During the rare occasion of drinking some orange soda, she spilled an entire glass all over the hardwood floor.

Knowing that this would create a sticky mess she immediately ran into the kitchen to grab the dish towel from the sink.

In her own attempt to clean up the spilled soda she made it worse by just spreading the sugary drink over a greater area.

All of this was happening when I was on an intense phone call with work... in fact, it was an emergency and I was working with a co-location to get a server back online.

My first reaction was to grab the towel out of her hand, sigh a big sigh and clean it up myself.

But I didn't... I caught myself and reminded myself how cool it was that she was trying to help.

She knew she made a mistake and didn't sit there and cry about it.

She put ACTION behind it and tried to clean it up.

And on top of that, I remembered the bigger picture, where she is no longer drinking out of a juice cup, but rather joining the ranks of older kids who drink from regular glasses.

This seems like a little step, but it was a big one in my mind!

I took that situation and remembered just those two things... and you know what? Spilled juice didn't seem so bad! ha ha!

By using the technique of quick thought replacement I really become the Guardian of my own perception and awareness...

And it's something you can do too!

So, I encourage you to become more self-aware and guard your perception with the intelligence that you have!

Replace negative reactions with good thoughts... and remember that 7 seconds can save you from falling into a negative state.

As we're using quick and positive thoughts to replace negative ones, remember that we're in this together, learning lessons along the way!

Talk to you soon,