3 Back To School Tips For Single Moms and Single Dads

It's coming... That's right... SCHOOL!

I know, it's MID AUGUST and there are already commercials on TV and you can't go to the grocery store without seeing ads that say "Get Ready To Go Back To School"...

And while my daughter is slightly under the age to get ready for school we have a close friend who is starting second grade... He's staying with us for the three weeks until school starts, so getting him ready for school has been a topic of conversation recently.

Over the last week, I've discovered 3 money and time saving tips for getting your school-age child ready for school... and I wanted to share them with you today.

1. Shop Alone - Yes, my first tip is to shop alone if at all possible... This way you don't have kids screaming about the five dollar "purple" notebook as opposed to the one dollar "white" notebook. I know it might be a challenge to find a place that has daycare but this will help tremendously... Here in Portland we have Fred Meyers, which offers to let your kids play with other kids for about an hour... If you can find something like this where you live, you're golden! If not, maybe help another Single Mom or Single Dad out by having them watch your little one while you go shopping.

2. Go In With Another Family - If you have other kids on your block, go talk to their parents and see if you can "go in" with them on school supplies... Why do I recommend this? I recommend this because often things like notebooks and pencils come in "discount" packs... So, say a four pack of notebooks is $6.00, but a single notebook is $2.00. If you cut the expenses in half (i.e. buying the four pack) and split the actual supplies with your neighbor, you'll end up saving money.

3. Always Check The Dollar Store - Yes, being a Single Parent, I'm sure you know right where your closest Dollar Store is! The Dollar Store is great for things like pencils, paper and notebooks. It never ceases to amaze me at how well-stocked these places are... But, because school is coming in the next few weeks, you'll want to go out and get these supplies now!

Just three quick tips for getting into the "school days" frame of mind...

So, as you're getting your child's supplies together remember that we're in this together, learning lessons along the way!

Talk to you soon,

Murphy, Hillary and Dan… oh my! Single Parenting has come a long way!

Like just about everything else in life, the concept of Single Parenthood is incredibly easy and vastly complex...


That line sounds like I'm trying to sound intellectual and be "Captain Vague" at the same time!


But in all seriousness, I was contemplating the labels we use when it comes to Single Parenting... For example, even the term "Single Parent"... If you're reading this right now and you feel like this aligns for you, you're probably Single and a Parent...


So what DOES a Single Parent look like? Is it even fair to take this notion and run with it?


I mean, come on... I can't exactly hold up a picture of a Single Parent versus someone who is married with children... although the Single Parent might look a little more tired! (ha ha!)


Of course, there are no answer for these... and really, I'm not looking for ANSWERS... I guess this is me getting "deep" on a Monday.


That being said, the idea of Single Parenting is becoming much more acceptable in general society...


It was in 1992 that then Vice-President Dan Quayle lashed out at the ficional character "Murphy Brown" for gamorizing out-of-wedlock preganancy... I mean, come on, that was a FICTIONAL show... but even the fact that a fictional show that caused a bit of controversey 16 years ago mentioned this is only a reflection of society.


In other words, just because a sit-com writer wanted to portray the "real world" they got crap for it!


In 2008 when Hillary Clinton was giving her consession speech she was talking about how the dreams we share are the dreams worth fighting for.... She mentioned "(a) Single Mom with a young daughter who juggled work and school who said I'm doing it all to better myself for her..." (at 04:19 in the link above)


And it's not like we, as Single Parents, are looking for anything... the recognition we receive is through our families, even if we are Single Moms or Single Dads doing it alone...


Granted this is a step in the right direction for Single Parents and the way the world views "us". Sometimes even just having a presense about something is important... Single Parenthood transcends looks, culture, creed or even a particular "demographic"... Single Parenting is about one thing, and one thing only... Our kids... The children we love and the children who mean, quite literally, EVERYTHING to us...


I am inspired by Hillary, I'm inspired by Barack and as a fellow Single Parent, I am inspired by YOU! Keep up the good work!

New Video About a MUST HAVE Communication Skill

Today I finished a new video about Communication for Single Parents... Since this is a pretty new blog, I should mention that I often do videos and release them on YouTube.

The story goes a little like this... The other day a friend and I were talking... He's a Single Dad too, but he'd just received a pretty angry text message from him Ex. He was really shaken up by it and he was adding all kinds of crazy meanings to it and was visibly frustrated.

After talking for a bit, we decided to get some clarity around it... and rather than completely dissect it, we decided that we were going to get this "handled"... What we came up with was a pretty cool idea, and that was to put the situation into the "third person"... this way, we were able to translate exactly what happened for WHAT IT WAS, not what he (or myself) were MAKING out of it.

I go into greater depth in the video, but check it out for yourself...






Talk to you soon,

Flurping Moonsand

You know, it's funny... some of the coolest stuff is for kids and some of the lamest stuff is for kids...



At a Landmark function about a month ago my daughter met this really cool guy named Alex... Alex is 11 and to a four year old, that means nothing but "good times"...



Alex brought a toy into the party that was called Flurp... It was kinda like "slime" they had when I was a kid. Basically, it's the gelatenous substance that you can shape and mold into different creations... And it gets it's name from the sound it makes when you put it back into it's container.... Fllllurrrrppp! Anyway, she was totally into it! Seems harmless enough, eh?



Well, fast forward a month later, my daughter and I are in WalGreens... a quick stop before going home. As we're walking past the checkout counter she spotted a brand new bottle of Flurp!



As her eyes fixated on it she proceeded to YELL, telling me how cool Flurp was and how it reminded her of Alex (yes, my daughter is pretty smart!).



I ended up buying her the Flurp and we were on our way.



The next morning I heard the chair slide across the Pergo flooring and the pantry door slam from upstairs...



I didn't think anything of it because this is how my daughter gets her cherrios or her granola bars... not only is my daughter smart, she's pretty independent.



When I made it downstairs to refill my empty coffee cup I noticed that she had got out her Moonsand...



Now, if you don't know what Moonsand is and you have a younger child, you're about ready to be turned on to another amazing invention for kids!



Moonsand is this sort of like "beach sand" that's colored, except it is intended to be reusable... and keep in mind I said it's INTENDED to be reused.



It's got a weird texture to it and it's pretty fun to play with, but my gosh, it gets EVERYWHERE (hence making it hard to "reuse")!



My daughter proceeded to mix the flurp and the Moonsand into a glorious sculpture that ended up being a home for a pig! That's right, the Moonsand was carefully enshrouding a pig she'd made from the pink flurp.



I can't say much for the tiny grains of moonsand stuck in the flurp, but I will let my "metrosexual" come out in me and say that the RED moonsand mixes wonderfully with the PINK flurp!



This got me thinking that sometimes things that we don't think will go together actually end up working!



Of course, in this case, Moonsand and Flurp are both intended for kids... and both can be monsterously difficult to clean-up, but the final vote is that they don't go together... And while Moonsand is fun even for me to play with, the only thing I believe that Moonsand should be mixed with is MORE moonsand!



So, I ask you... What goes together and that doesn't?? Not only for your child, but for your LIFE. Is it really all about finding a combination that works for you or is it what we've been told goes together? There's some fun thoughts for your upcoming weekend...



As your "flurping your moonsand" remember that we're in this together, learning lessons along the way!

I Am A Busy Guy...

I woke up this morning and realized that I am a busy guy…

On top of a full-time job and raising my daughter (who isn’t quite in school yet) I am Selling my house, in a four month Landmark Program, I do videos for my website and I play in a band!

Of all these, selling the house is the biggest challenge right now, probably because I'm writing this from a Coffee Shop as a broker is showing my home to a prospective buyer.

With a four year old at home I feel like I’m a street-sweeper for most of the day… Not to mention the calls from Real Estate Agents that are like “hey, we’re two blocks away and we’ll be over to look at your house in about 15 minutes… can you please leave?”…

Just yesterday I remember gazing over to the couch to see graham crackers broken into tiny pieces and an empty wrapper on the floor… One of those "murphy's law" things that happen right as I get the call from the Agent!

Now I will say this, being that my daughter is four I still have the luxery of the “shiny object” distraction…

To get her to stay put during what turned out to be my ten minute cleaning frenzy we played like the floor was lava and she couldn’t jump on to it!

Let’s say that it worked like a charm, and yes, you can turn over cushions and the graham cracker bits disappear right before your eyes!

As you're sweeping up those crumbs (or turning over cushions) remember that we're in this together, learning lessons along the way!

As Single Parents, we have one thing in common... We are raising children on our own.

And I've acknowledged before that each of our situations is unique and special.

Today I wanted to talk about something ELSE that is unique and special.

And that's what I'm going to call your "genius".

Your "genius" is something that is unique and special that you do... It's something that you are a MASTER of and something you LOVE to do.

Yeah, sound pretty BIG eh?

Not really, because if you're passionate about something, it's never going to be too "big".

It could be parenting... It could be playing a musical instrument or attending seminars. It could be computers or photography... There is something that you love to do that you're good at.

So, start off by asking yourself what you're good at...

Got it?

Good.

Now mentally list the aspects about it that you're good at... If its, say, playing guitar are you a classical player or do you like rock? Are you good at the blues or the oldies?

Okay, now that you've determined where you're at, now think about where you want to be.

Is there any aspect of your "genius" that you've always wanted to do?

Sticking with the example of playing guitar, what about learning another musical instrument... maybe something without strings like the piano or the sax?

This might sound like a little bit of a stretch, but it's something worth considering.

Why?

If you are in touch with your "genius" you can find ANYTHING.

...And I know this is a big claim, but I want to say that again just to make sure you read it correctly...

If you are in touch with your GENIUS you can find ANYTHING!

Yes, the reference is subtle and this might sound like a little bit of a stretch, but follow me here.

Let me preface what I'm about to say with the fact that the vast majority of people out there don't KNOW their "genius"... that we get... but the feeling that I've got from many people is that they don't want to even KNOW their "genius".

And this to me is sad... (and also a generalization)...

Remember how I talked about your Path and your Purpose?

Well, your "genius" is a bit like that...

Once you find it, you'll know it. And once you align it in your life, you're going to really ROCK it!

So, how can finding your "genius" apply to you?

First off, if you can find employment using your "genius", you're going to love not only your LIFE, but your JOB!

So many people are resigned to work a job they don't like or constantly telling themselves that something better is going to fall into their laps... and while I'm ALWAYS for thinking in the positive, this is something that only YOU have control over.

Secondly, as I mentioned before, your alignment with your "genius" will yield powerful results with very little energy.

Maybe you don't even KNOW what your genius is yet... And if this is the case, don't fret.... Your "genius" will come to you... And chances are you won't even know it at the time.

So, as your discovering your own genius remember that we're in this together, learning lessons along the way.

I'll talk to you soon,

Creativity and Coffee...

I have a question for you...

When are you most creative?

In the past I've written about Morning Motivation and how preparing for your day can boost you from average productivity to a powerful day...

And I must confess... at WORK I'm not horribly creative...

As I've mentioned before, I work in the world of IT and things like DNS and adjusting server notifications don't lend themselves to being horribly creative things...

That being said, I've obsevered a few interesting things that I associate with being creative.

But before I get into those I wanted to define creativity...

And for me, it's really on two levels. The first level is what I'm doing now... writing. I love to write and I love to teach, so I lump both of those into what I call "creativity" for myself. The second level of creativity is with my daughter... Since my daughter lives with me, it's a never-ending song, dance or way that we put on clothes... We make EVERYTHING fun!

So, really, my observances are a bit more personal... They are for the first level of creativity I just described... the "writing" or "art" place in my life. (I'll talk about that second level of creativity in another blog).

The first is coffee... I live in the Pacific Northwest and Coffee is kinda a big deal up here.

I always associate having black coffee with writing and working on my website...

The second is not having shoes... or specifically, being barefoot.

There really is something liberating about not wearing shoes and socks... maybe it's a subconscious thing that keeps me "grounded"... who knows?

I don't want to "read into" this too much, in other words, I don't think these are things that directly MAKE me creative... I really believe that we're all creative people on the inside.

And don't get me wrong, it's not like I take off my shoes and socks at a coffeeshop if I am writing! ha ha!

But the reason I mention these is simply out of observation.

In other words, these are things that I 'naturally' do when I'm at the peak of my creativity... Things that I don't even think about, but that happen on a regular basis.

I also noticed that I tend to get more creative things done in the morning. It tends to give me a good feeling about starting the day remembering that I created something... It doesn't matter if it's a Podcast or a blog entry, it's something that I did that helps others!

So, when are YOU most creative? Have you noticed that at a certain time of day?

Do you have a tendancy to actually DO something, like drink a favorite glass of juice or eat a power bar?

The reason I ask this, and the reason I am sharing, is so that we can learn from each other... We can take bits and pieces of what works for other creative minds and other Single Parents and make them out own.

As you're being your TRUE creative Self, remember that we're in this together, learning lessons along the way!

I'll talk to you soon,

Oh yeah, check out my YouTube site... I put up a new video the other day about investing for your children!

Avoiding The Imaginary

Have you ever been presented with a challenge that seemed like it was IMPOSSIBLE to over come?

Have you ever instantly jumped into "reaction" mode because you didn't think there was anything else to do?

I know I have...

But then you actually go through the thing and you say to yourself "man, that wasn't that big of a deal?"

This might sound like a relatively simple idea, but keep one thing in mind when a new challenge arrives: You are seeing it from YOUR perspective.

No one elses...

Others might have INFLUENCE on you... Like when you get that tiny little "fear rush" when a friend says "...wow, I couldn't deal with something like that..." or your Mom says "...that sounds like it's really hard..."

And then you get through the situation or the challenge and you say to yourself "Gosh, that was no big deal!"...

Well, what if you were at a place where you didn't even need to go through the questioning in the first place? Wouldn't that be a great place to be?

What if you were able to simply deal with things powerfully and from a perspective that was actually outside of the immediate scope of the problem or challenge?

So, what's the "secret sauce"? Is it just self-confidence or having enough self-awareness that you are doing what you're doing?

Here's what works for me...

It's confidence in your own skin and comfort in knowing who you are.

If you are comfortable with yourself it really shows when you talk (and interact) with others... and it allows you to calmly observe a situation even if your in the middle of it.

With these two pieces, you can objectively look at just about any situation, assess it for what it is and deal head-on with **reality**.

Let's take a tough example... (At least this was a tough one for me)...

My "ex" starts to date someone else... I meet this other person, but then the voices in my head start talking and saying "she's comparing me to him" or "he looks really great, I wonder if..."

All of this happens in my subconscious by the way, and I have little control over it... This is part of being human...

I then start to make this mean something that it doesn't... I start to look at the dating relationship and be sad for myself that I'm not in one... or maybe my "comparison" starts to make it about ME rather than what it really is about...

Whoa... hold on for a minute...

You see how quickly I started the "death wobble on the skateboard"...?

It's at this point confidence and comfort NEED to kick in... Take a deep breath and think about what just happened.

Just because my "ex" is dating someone else, doesn't mean I'm a bad person. It also doesn't mean that they aren't still, in some way, attracted to me... It doesn't mean that I'm not good looking and it doesn't mean any of the stuff that I automatically started thinking about.

It's really just two people dating... and that's it.

Nothing more and nothing less...

It's this level of being able to think that will really set us apart from the rest of the Single Parents out there.

You see, by simply stopping and really seeing the sitiation for what it was you were able to avoid the imaginary... The imaginary, in this example, being what my "ex" was thinking and what I was attaching meaning to.

What if you had this skill when dealing with your children?

What if you had this the first time they went to school? Or lied to you?

And if you think about it, this really can apply to your entire LIFE!

So, to recap, continue to work on the comfort with yourself and your confidence. Once you become a master at this you can calmly deal with anything that life throws your way, be able to step outside of a problem or challenge, and observe what's really happening... and in most cases, it's far, far less than what we think it is.

As you're avoiding the imaginary and dealing head on with reality, remember that we're in this together, learning lessons along the way.

Talk to you soon,

I Am Influenced By Television...

I have to say, that I don't watch alot of television... So when a friend makes a recommendation I try to follow through and check it out...

I was recently told about a show called 30 Days in which Morgan Spurlock... the same guy that did the McDonald's Movie "SuperSize Me".

The premise of the show is that they take someone with a strong view and place them with someone who embraces the opposite view for 30 days.

I know, I know, reality t.v. for the most part seems pretty lame...

And when you have built-in conflict, that makes for a controversial show from the beginning.

This particular episode really hit home...

And it addressed something that I've been thinking about for awhile.

The show took a hunter and avid meat-eater out of a mid-west state (as I recall) and placed him with a Vegan family living in Los Angeles.

At first it was predictable...

Two radically opposing viewpoints placed together... people being stubborn and sticking with their beliefs and so forth.

And there was a transition where a place of awareness hit the hunter.

All the while not "caving into" the Vegan lifestyle, but rather taking in what the family believed in and being exposed to the cruelty that animals suffer.

This got him thinking about animals and their place in this world...

It also got him thinking about accepting people despite their opposing views.

It didn't happen overnight and he was very open about this transition, which was a very cool thing for the viewers to observe.

For me, personally, I've been a vegetarian in the past...

And I have to admit, it was more like "I didn't eat meat".

It only took one tiny food poisoning incident from a fast food resturant to make me switch over.

And that was years ago...

Since then, I'd fallen back into a lifestyle that included not only eating meat, but occasionally going to fast food resturants.

This episode actually inspired me to take a look at my current eating habits.

But like most things in life, there were places where I could improve.

You know, a few cookies here... and extra ice cream there...

In any case, I've made the descision to stop eating meat.

It's a personal descision, and yes, the TV show "30 Days" did play a role in my arrival at this choice.

And the reason I even mention this is for a couple reasons... First and foremost is Choice.

It made me think about the idea that if I am not living a life based on choice, I am living out of obligation or "auto-pilot"... and as a Single Parent, this is a tough place to be.

In fact, it's a tough place to be for anyone.

Secondly, it's my declaration to you that I'm making this choice.

This takes my original idea of not eating meat to another level.

It's like a sort of "automatic accountability" that's attached to mentioning it.

The way I interpret this is me making a difference...

Even by one person not eating meat it's my personal stand.

The "pitfall" is to not live within that stand.

In other words, when I make a descision like this, it's for me.

How does this relate to being a parent?

I see this as being important on two levels...

The first level is change... Being able to, by example, show your children that you CAN change... And that well-thought ideals are important to have.

If you are complaining about something but don't do anything about it, your child is going to make that association and repeat the cycle...

So, first off, it's example.

Secondly, and this happens actually BEFORE the first reason, it's self-awareness.

And much like the Hunter in the episode of "30 Days" I was disgusted by the way that animals are being treated.

I also was really suprised at the conditions in which the animals lived and the amount of pain that was going on just to make sure that the fast food resturant on the corner was stocked with meat.

Was there anything "wrong" with me when I ate meat?

No, there wasn't.

Is it wrong for OTHERS to eat meat?

Nope, not at all.

When my reason for doing something was to be the difference or be the change it became less about me and more about my place in the world.

What began as self-awareness resulted in immediate action...

The bottom line is this... I might be one Single Dad but given the chance I can BE the difference.

And this is the same thing that lead me to write my book.

If I end up helping one person become a better parent, than I consider that success!

I believe in the concept of community... and I believe that we can take the lessons we learn in life and teach them to each other in order to grow into better people.

Do I think we can change the world overnight?

Only time will answer that question.

But what I do know is that by continuing to live a life of choice, you are free from obligation and open yourself up to anything that you want from life.

So, as you're finding out what's important to you remember that we're all in this together learning lessons along the way...

Talk to you soon,

Painting The Door White...

I recently put my house up for sale... and it's been a challenging ordeal to say the least...

Being a Single Parent there are a few things that I have to deal with that parenting with a Partner would make easier... which, on the surface is following around a four year old and picking up toys that she leaves out...

As with most of the things I do, I found a "zen" type moment when I was painting the door.

And I wanted to share it with you.

It all starts the day I signed with the Real Estate company, which was Saturday.

After all the paperwork got out of the way and I was satisfied that my questions were answered, it was time to start taking pictures and making sure the house was as tidy as possible.

The real estate agent started snapping away and then I noticed that she stopped.

She had gone into the kitchen, grabbed a rag and started cleaning the door jam.

It's a white door jam that, over the years, had become dingy... It had scuffs on it and a few chips of paint that were pretty noticeable...

And, you know, it was like washing your car... Right after you wash your car you can see the tiny dings and scratches in it...

I mean, they were there before... but they were hidden under the dirt and grime your car picked up from the road.

Well, the same thing happened to the door.

It's taken years of abuse as being both the portal to the house and the way to the escape pod.

It's seen many a happy time and sometimes the sad times.

As I watched her try to remove the scuffs from the door I realized that there was only one choice to make it actually look decent... and that was to paint it.

I pointed this out to her and she agreed...

So here I was... two hours after all the pictures were taken and the real estate agent left... My daughter was content sitting at the table with a coloring book and I was "white-washing" my front door.

And then it hit me... This is just like my life.

Of course, the cliche thing would be to parallel painting the door with the decisions we make in life... how sometimes we get emotional "scrapes" and mental "dings" along our path.

Don't get me wrong, all those are true...

I wanted to use painting the door as an example of taking something "old", like a concept or an idea, and making it into something new.

You know, like when you go back and read a book for a second time... You pick up on subtle nuances that you didn't notice before. And where they there? Yes, of course they were... you just didn't see them.

This is how I felt when I was painting the door.

I was so used to seeing the door the way it was that I didn't even notice the tiny amount of "damage" that was done to it.

And then I thought about this a little deeper... And how this applies directly to life.

You see, painting is a little like catching up on this, or having the realization that you want to change something...

Is it fine on it's own?

Of course it was... I mean, the door still opened and still allowed for us to leave and enter my house.

But with the paint on it, it LOOKED better... Ultimately giving a better FEELING because it seemed cleaner.

But what about actual "repairs"? Things in life we notice that we want to actually CHANGE.

Those are like cracks you see in a wall.

What do you do with a crack? You get out some spakle and you repair it.

You notice where the damage happened and you fix it.

What do we do after we patch a crack?

We paint over it... Painting could symbolize something new... it could mean a cover-up or it could be a resolution...

But for this example let's say that it represents something "cleaner".

You see, it depends on how you look at it... It's all water in a glass and nothing more. Sometimes it's half full and sometimes it's half empty.... it's the perspective of something new and clean that adds the ambiance to it.

As your patching the cracks in your life and adding on a new coat of paint, remember that we're in this together, learning lessons along the way.

Talk to you soon,

Living From The Possibility Perspective

The concept of Possibilty is a huge one... But one that I wanted to start blogging about.

In fact, I feel so strongly about the idea of Possibility that I'm about ready to share with you a new perspective on LIFE!

And if you haven't had a chance to really study this and wrap your mind around it, there is no time like the present... ha ha!

Possibility, as defined by American Heritage dictionary and Dictionary.com is "Potentiality for favorable or interesting results".

In other words, all ideas - good or bad, started out as a possibility... something that COULD happen.

Taking this simple and easy to digest concept, think about the things you do... both positive and negative in your life.

Do you do what you do because you're on "auto-pilot" or because you choose to.

This isn't something to take lightly... Think about it for just a second... Is choice a factor in what you do?

Now, take what you now know about possibility (from the raw definition) and apply it to your LIFE...

How can you LIVE in possibility??

Would you even WANT to??

The answer to both of those, from my own personal perspective, is "YES!"...

To live in possibility is the opposite of living within your "reasons"...

And I'm sure you know what "reasons" are... That little voice, or sometimes voices, inside your head that tell you why you should or shouldn't do something...

Let me give you an example...

So, say you want to take some flowers to a pretty barista you met at a coffee cart the other day... She's cute, funny and makes a mean Latte... three important qualities that you want in a girlfriend.

You gather up enough nerve to buy some flowers at New Seasons and you start walking to the coffee cart...

Then those voices start popping up... "Maybe she's got a boyfriend...", "Maybe this will bother her at work..." or "Maybe she will instantly reject me..."

You get frustrated and low and behold... the voices WIN!

You then get a block away from where she works and you throw the flowers into a close garbage can and walk the other way...

What I just described was a live lived within your reasons...

In other words, before you even had a chance to explore the POSSIBILITY of what her reaction was going to be you played Judge, Jury and Execution of your idea in less than thirty seconds...

Now you are out ten bucks for the flowers, twenty minutes of your time for walking to the coffee cart but more importantly you are out the possibility of a making a new friend, going out on a date or a potential life mate!!

When you divorce yourself from the idea of acceptance and rejection from others, a whole new world opens up... and the idea is the amazing world of possibility!

So, what would have REALLY happened if you brought the flowers to her?

That was a harsh example, but not out of context for us guys...

Who really knows... no one does... But, like most situations in life, we make them out to be a lot bigger in our minds then they are in "real life".

I call this living from the "possibility perspective"... meaning that you can see the possibility of good things in your life.

You can live a life not ruled by your "reasons" why something is good or something is bad.

Now, of course, keep in mind this is CONTEXTUAL and doesn't mean that you throw physical common sense out the window... In other words, you might justify to yourself why you are still smoking cigarettes... Those are still reasons... in this case, think of all the possibilities that NOT smoking could give you (fresh breath, longer life for you & your child, etc).

You can, in a sense, live "above" the negative internal language that you talk to yourself... and above the reasons why you limit yourself in your life.

And the vast majority of this is done through being aware of what you are saying to yourself and asking yourself one simple question: "Am I doing this or not doing this because I have a reason??"

As you're living your life from the "possibilty perspective" remember that we're in this together, learning lessons along the way.

Talk to you soon,

How To Be The Guardian of Your Perception and Awareness

Anyone who has read my blog before knows that I'm a big advocate for honesty and integrity.

I really believe that coming from a place of "authenticity" with any aspect of your life will give you the freedom that allows for self-expression and being aware of yourself.

My intention (and the reason I write this blog) is to give you the "straight talk" to get you on a good path. Notice I didn't say the "right" path or place you in a "correct" frame of mind...

I believe that everyone is unique and special, just like their situation of being a Parent and how to raise their children... I also believe that by assisting others and really bringing together that sense of "community" we are able to literally THRIVE off each other.

Okay, enough of my soapbox... let's get down to business!

Today I wanted to talk about perception and attention (or awareness)...

It's too easy to be engulfed by the negativity that surrounds us... An Ex says something that was hurtful, you see violence in a video game or you hear a story on the news about a missing child...

The point is that there are negative things around us all the time.

And the easiest way to counteract this is through having a positive self-awareness... or, more simply put, to be on the lookout for the good things in life.

I mean, hey, you wouldn't purposely EAT poisonous food, right?

And you certainly wouldn't feed your child poisonous food!

This is one way to think about the negative trends you see around you... if you doubt this, pick up a Newspaper or watch the News and you'll see what I mean.

In fact, even the vast majority of your conversations of people without this sort of awareness are going to be shrouded in negativity.

I'll go so far as to say that without awareness, you are simply a machine... a mechanical product that simply see something and reacts...

One of the best ways to overcome this is relatively simple.

It's quick thought replacement... and it takes literally 7 seconds!

If you have a negative idea or thought come into your head, counteract that thought with a good one... and it helps to have an arsenal of good thoughts and ideas ready if this comes up!

Here is an example...

Last week we had a milestone in my house... My four year old daughter has officially given up on Juice Cups.

Of course, this means that she's drinking out of a regular glass.

With this comes the greater possibility of accidents.

During the rare occasion of drinking some orange soda, she spilled an entire glass all over the hardwood floor.

Knowing that this would create a sticky mess she immediately ran into the kitchen to grab the dish towel from the sink.

In her own attempt to clean up the spilled soda she made it worse by just spreading the sugary drink over a greater area.

All of this was happening when I was on an intense phone call with work... in fact, it was an emergency and I was working with a co-location to get a server back online.

My first reaction was to grab the towel out of her hand, sigh a big sigh and clean it up myself.

But I didn't... I caught myself and reminded myself how cool it was that she was trying to help.

She knew she made a mistake and didn't sit there and cry about it.

She put ACTION behind it and tried to clean it up.

And on top of that, I remembered the bigger picture, where she is no longer drinking out of a juice cup, but rather joining the ranks of older kids who drink from regular glasses.

This seems like a little step, but it was a big one in my mind!

I took that situation and remembered just those two things... and you know what? Spilled juice didn't seem so bad! ha ha!

By using the technique of quick thought replacement I really become the Guardian of my own perception and awareness...

And it's something you can do too!

So, I encourage you to become more self-aware and guard your perception with the intelligence that you have!

Replace negative reactions with good thoughts... and remember that 7 seconds can save you from falling into a negative state.

As we're using quick and positive thoughts to replace negative ones, remember that we're in this together, learning lessons along the way!

Talk to you soon,

3 Tips For The Ultimate Kid DVD

Every year I make a DVD of my daughter. I've used them as Christmas presents for about four years now...

Not only are they fun to shoot and assemble, but my family loves to get them!

The DVD consists of pictures, videos, drawings and other fun stuff that I get throughout the year.

I know, I usually write about "woo-woo" or a little more "esoteric" stuff... but hey, I'm a practical guy too! ha ha!

The DVD's are great because it's a unique and intimate way to share your child with the rest of your family, especially family that lives far away. If you already have a digital camera it's an inexpensive way to create a special gift and (most importantly) it allows you to be able to document your child's history for THEM!

So, that being said, I wanted to give you a three tips and pointers about making a DVD of your child... and I encourage you to document as much as you can... we can't get this time back with our children and these memories are amazing!

The 365 Concept

I have an idea that I got from Flickr... It's called "365".

And the idea of it being called "365" is that there are 365 days in a year!

Each day I take a picture of my daughter in the same place (the same location).

In our house, it's next to the entry-way closet.

The reason I chose that location is that there is a darkly colored door knob against a white door. This way, no matter what she's wearing you can see her perfectly...

And more importantly, the door knob is a "height" indicator.

In other words, you can easily see her growth from one month to the next!

This is a cool project that takes about 30 seconds a DAY! The pictures quickly add up and you'll start to notice subtle differences between the weeks. Throw these pictures into a "slideshow" and you're ready to go!

Naming Conventions

Naming conventions are like Ice Cream. We all have our favorite way to do it, and none of them are "wrong".

I'd like to suggest a date based naming convention. It's taken me a couple years (no pun intended) to arrive at this one, but it's a good one!

The reason I find this important is because, especially when you are doing a DVD that's based around a child growing up, you want things to be in chronological order.

That being said I start off with the date first, starting with the year. I then follow it up with a description.

So, being that today is May 29th, today's pictures and drawings are going to be labeled "20080529".

If it's a 365 picture, I'd label it like this: "20080529_365".

Since each 365 picture only contains 1 per day, I'm done.

But say we were at the park and I got a picture of her with a puppy... I wanted to put it into a different location that the 365, but needed to label it.

It would be the same date order, so "20080529" followed by the description of a puppy. It might look like this:

"20080529_PuppyPark.jpg"

This way, when you see them consecutively in a folder and arrange "by name" you can't get them out of order!

Yes!

Scanning And Sharing

Another great tip is to save and scan all pictures that you child draws. If your child is under the age of 8 you'll notice that their pictures vary heavily from the beginning of the year to the end...

And seeing this change is pretty awesome. You can see your child develop from month to month, each picture getting more detailed than the other.

Pretty soon the people's faces have features, like eyes and ears...

Puppies soon have long noses and long tails!

And keeping these in order will show the progress your little artist is making!

You'll also want to pre-determine the 'cut off' date for your DVD.

In my case, my daughter's birthday is December 1st, so I know that right after her birthday I need to start assembling the DVD in order to make it by the "Christmas Present" deadline!

Once you find something that works for you, I know you'll stick to it and in no time you'll have the most incredible DVD you've ever made!

I encourage you to take a few minutes and plan this out... and if you have any specific questions, I'd love to talk about them. You can write at Cliff@SingleParentSurvivalGuide.com.

So, as you're preparing to make the most important home movies of your life, remember that we're in this together, learning lessons along the way.

Talk to you soon,

Investing and the Single Parent

Recently one of the many things I've been getting into is "investing"...

And like most things, I research as much as I possibly can before making an informed decision.

Investing and finances is no exception... and while I don't personally have a lot of money to invest, I do put away a little bit from each paycheck.

And trust me, I am the first person to admit that I'm NOT an expert when it comes to investing.

However, I did write a bonus book that's a companion to my Single Parent Survival Guide book that talks about investing for your child. It's got some great tips about investing, creating Wills and other important things to make sure your child is taken care of.

Today as I was researching some inexpensive investments I wanted to share with you a Single Parenting tip.

What I shared in that book is what I've personally done for my daughter...

Being that I am not an expert, I wanted to consult someone who was.

This lead me to setup a meeting with a Financial Advisor.... someone who knows how to listen to my goals and help me invest in the best things to meet them.

When I sat down with a Financial Advisor he tried to sell me a "college fund".

This is all well and good, but then it hit me...

What if my daughter wants to go to a "trade school", like to become an Auto Mechanic or a Hair Dresser?

I mean, hey, it's 2008 and she's going to be 20 in the year 2023!

There was one alternative that I found called the UGMA... That's just fancy financial talk for the "Uniform Gift To Minors" act... It's basically a custodial fund for minors...

The financial advisor agreed that considering our circumstances, this was the best way to invest money for my daughter.

It gives her the flexibility to do what she wants with the money... And since my daughter is currently four years old, chances are she won't be touching the money any time soon.

As with most investments, there are good aspects and there are not so good aspects.

In fact, I have yet to find an investment that doesn't have risk!

If you'd like to research this one a bit further, check out the Wikipedia page for the UGMA.

Of course, you'll want to take into MANY considerations... such as what you can afford to invest (after you've invested in yourself), your child's age and how soon they'll reach a time when they can touch the money and as it fits into your monthly budget.

I recommend taking some time to think about investing for your child... It will lay a healthy attitude about money and give them a financial "buffer" when they are ready to leave home, go to college or start a career.

So, as you're investing for your child and your child's future, remember that we're in this together, learning lessons along the way.

Talk to you soon,

Oh yeah, in this blog I mentioned my book about preparing for your child's financial future. I should let you know that it's a bonus book when you download The Single Parent Survival Guide. If you'd like to learn more about my Book and the bonus books it comes with, check it out here.

Emotionally Intelligent Questions

I spoke in my Podcast recently about something called "Emotional Intelligence"...

And just to recap, it's one of those things that can't be taught... Just like having "street smarts" can't be taught... there are a few things in life that you simply learn on your own.

I was thinking about this in relation to being a Single Parent, and what that meant to me personally.

It's those moments of reflection where I get my best ideas or find a way to overcome a particular challenge.

But I also made a discovery recently that I wanted to share with you...

And this applies both directly to the day-to-day grind of Single Parenting as well as a more "esoteric", "put a pot of coffee on and let's have an all night dicussion"... ha ha.

I talk about this in my book, but it's worth mentioning in a little more detail here.

And that's the concept of Self-Language based on the questions you ask yourself.

I know, I know... this sounds a little "woo woo" on the surface, but having the ability to morph your reality via your language is quite amazing!

Not only is it amazing (and I'm not using that word lightly), it can change the state you're feeling in literally seconds once you've mastered it!

So, let me give you a real world example how this applies to YOU:

Let's say that you're dropping off your daughter at your Ex-Partner's house. You quickly find a place to park and without even thinking about it, you forget to feed the parking meter.

After even just a quick exchange and making sure your daughter is comfortable you arrive back at your car to discover a parking ticket!

And not only did you forget to pay the 25 cents for parking, you accidently parked over the line!

Now you hold in your had a ticket for $48.00!! And it's due before your next payday!

Yikes!

It's at this time that you start to feel your chest get tight and maybe you feel pressure in your forearms... Then the "language machine" kicks on in your head...

"Man, I should have... "... or

"Ugh... If I only I'd "...

You get the point.

When you FEEL this coming on immediately STOP. Pay attention to your state and realize that you're slipping into a negative place.

All of sudden you feel dull and start to think about how putting in a quarter in a machine would have saved you from having to pay a ticket.

In this particular example, think of it as your contribution... take the negative state and turn it positive.

So, the emotionally intelligent question you'd ask yourself is more like a statement in this case:

"Okay, so I messed up... no biggie. I'm now making sure that my daughter has a place to play in the park... It's my little bit of financial contribution back to my city."

And this might sound like simply "thinking positively" about a situation... and in a sense, it is, but in this case you are giving your internal language a positve place to reside in... a state where you've shifted your initial negative thought pattern and replaced it with a positive one!

Okay, now that you have a sense of this, let's do an example how this applies to your children...

Say that you just poured a glass of Orange Juice. Your four year old daughter is in the living room and is watching cartoons...

She isnt' paying attention and accidently spills over the orange juice all over the new carpet.

Of course, your instant raction is to get angry and clean up the spill yourself.

And this is natural... I mean, hey, that's exactly what my parents would have done.

In this case I'd grab a few towels and request that my daughter help me clean it up... All the while saying "Accidents happen and let's be more careful when we have juice in the living room".

When it comes to discpline for something like that, a "good" kid is going to beat themselves up more that you ever could.

Of course, keep in mind that this is contextual... I'm not advocating avoiding discipline... As you already know, discipline is effective for some instances... and in this example, spilling the juice was an accident.

The bottom line comes down to this... when you feel states of negativity creeping up, and you're aware this is happening, the emotionally intelligent answer is to change the questions and statements you are telling yourself.

So, as your carefully asking yourself the "real" questions within the proper context, remember that we're in this together, learning lessons along the way.

I'll talk to you soon,

Daily Discipline - Conquering Your Day

This week I've been talking about starting the day off right... and why it's important to lay a foundation for the day that leaves you ready to be productive.

I shared some very specific tips about things I do to make sure that my day is focused, my mind is the proper space and get ready for the upcoming day... This was in a blog from last week.

I got some really positive feedback after reposting to my favorite site iHeartSingleParents.com, so I decided to write more about waking up and starting a productive day...

In fact, what I failed to mention was that a good MEAL needs to be involved...

Just to recap some of the things I've been doing, I drink water immediately after waking up... and I then do my 10-10-10 (ten sit-ups, ten push-ups and crunches)... all before even LEAVING my bedroom.

The next step is two-fold, but I need to frame it into the correct context for ya...

After I'm done with the water and quick exercise "ritual" I then make myself a quick meal. I have been using the Isagenix shake mix. It's a "meal replacer" with all the vitamins and nutrients packed into it... I've also been sneaking a banana into the blender before I drink it too, just for some extra "zing".

It's at this point I've been starting my day... still conscious of not checking email or even looking at my mobile phone until I'm ready to actually start work (but I'll get into that in another post).

I also follow-up with a small snack at around three hours into my day... Currently, this consists of Peanut Butter toast or a handful of nuts. This is for sustaining the feeling of being productive and so far it's working!

If you're already trying this, congratulations... I'd love to hear from you and I highly value feedback.

I want to really encourage you that if you STICK WITH IT and discipline yourself, you will feel much better.

And even if you're more of a "night person", this is still going to benefit you because we all need rest... and we all need to slow down a little bit right after we wake up

The deal is this... even if it takes an extra 20 minutes to wake up and get this done, it's worth it.

Think of it as INVESTING IN YOURSELF... You are taking time for you, before your kids get up, and being able to focus on yourself.

And I'm going to take it even a step further... If you follow this and lay that solid foundation for a good day, your family is going to see and feel this, so yes, you are even investing in YOUR FAMILY!

So, what do YOU do in your morning? Do you have any secrets or tips that you could share? This week I'm starting something new with a bit of yoga. The results have been good and I look forward to sharing even more about that with you soon.

As your starting your day right, laying the foundation for being productive, remember that we're in this together, learning lessons along the way!

Talk to you soon,

Making Up The Rules As We Go Along...

The other night I was watching three other kids besides my daughter… This was a grand total of four kids. Not a rare occasion, but a blessing nonetheless!

And on this warm spring evening I made an observation that was pretty keen… at least on my part.

I mean, hey, if you’re not going to toot your own horn, who is?

Parents with kids over the age of five are going to laugh at me, but hey, I can take it! ha ha!
See, I even laughed at myself.

Okay, back to the story…

I was watching three of them, all girls, make up a game.

In this game, the eldest girl (who is 9) was the “zookeeper”… She’s one of those girls who is pretty advanced emotionally for her age and already displays “mothering” sort of traits.

The Zookeeper told the four, six and seven year old where to sit on the couch and which cushin was their “cage”.

The other girls picked out which animals they wanted to be… one was a horse, one was a seal and the four year old went from being a snake to a bird to another horse.

Anyway, there was a certain amount of freedom contained within this “game”.

As most girls play together, it started off simple…

The Zookeeper had to take care of the animals, so naturally feeding was one of the aspects of the game.

Next it was walking the animals, so one by one each girl… er… animal was taken out of their cage and paraded in front of the others.

Pretty soon, each animal noise meant a certain thing… so, for example, a single horse “neigh” meant that the horse was hungry, two “neigh”s meant that the horse needed sleep and three “neigh”s meant that the horse needed to walk around outside of the cage.

Soon, even I was confused as to what each amount of sounds meant…

But thie kids seem pretty “in touch” with it, constantly reminding the other of the ‘rules’ of the game.

And then it dawned on me… wouldn’t it be “crazy” if life were like this?

The funny thing is that as Single Parents, we want to make up the rules as we go along.

And while it might not be as simple as playing “zookeeper”, there are certain things we WANT to control… Say dating the cute Barista at the coffeeshop or asking the bank teller what he thinks about your new shoes.

These might seem like tiny things, seemingly insignificant on the surface, but could blossom into the **possibility** of a successful date, a workout partner or even a marriage!

I am here to encourage you to keep in mind that while we can’t change the past, but we CAN change the future… We can create the future we want for us and for our kids.

So, in a sense, we CAN change the rules as we go along.

So, as you’re considering changing the rules as you go along keep in mind that we’re in this together learning lessons along the way.

I’ll talk to you soon,

Cliff

http://www.SingleParentSurvivalGuide.com/

New Podcast About Social Networking Sites, Sharing Your Story and Emotional Intelligence

I uploaded a new Podcast tonight about Social Networking Sites, Sharing Your Story and Emotional Intelligence...

It's sort of a combination of bringing together several ideas about learning that I've been writing about on this blog...

You can subscribe to my Podcast through iTunes by clicking here...

Talk to you tomorrow,

Cliff

The Cycle of Distraction - And Something To Do About It!

As much as I like to avoid the “negative” there is something that I have to get off my chest…

And no, it’s not a “Bad Tattoo” or a reference to a Springtime cold! ha ha!

I am convinced that we live in a “cycle of distraction”…

And what I mean is that amid the flurry of MySpace Comments, buying Ring Tones and eMail, it’s hard to stay focused on the tasks of the day, let alone make long-term plans for success as a Single Parent…

While some of this might not directly affect you, it’s more of an observation about the culture that we live in.

I even find myself getting caught up obsessively checking email and thinking about my response to a challenge at work when I’m hanging out with my daughter.

The long and the short of it is, even if we don’t “buy into” the fast-paced lifestyle that this “virtual world” presents, is is around us and CAN affect us.

So, what’s a Single Parent to do?

Well, I wanted to share with you something that I’ve been experimenting with that might help you.

And that’s starting the day right.

I’ve found that in the past when I roll out of bed and those bare feet hit the floor, I’m immediately overwhelmed with my day. It could be checking email from my phone while I’m running downstairs or it could be seeing some mail on the kitchen counter right when I get up… The point is that there are these tiny “distracters” that sink their teeth into me while I’m waking up.

So, what have I done to remedy this?

First off, I thought to myself that I needed a bit of clarity in the morning… I needed to be able to focus and begin the day without feeling like there was pressure or that the demands of the week were going to come crashing over me.

This lead me to think about health. I start off with a glass of water, 16 oz. to be precise. I prepare this the night before and leave it next to my nightstand. This allows me to not start off dehydrated and I have a lesser chance of getting a headache.

I then do something I called “10-10-10″.

I even wrote this on a piece of paper and stuck it under the water on my nightstand as a reminder.

I do 10 sit-ups, 10 push ups and 10 “crunches” when I get up. I usually do these AFTER I drink my water, but more importantly, I do these both before even LEAVING MY ROOM…

I have to admit that usually having to go to the bathroom is a motivator to get these done.
And the funny thing is that these are small things… These are tiny little things that take less than 7 minutes to do… but are of HIGH value because they make the day start off right.
I am finding that I’m more focused and able to not be immediately distracted by the things around me. I try to wake up before my daughter and her friend get up in order to focus on MYSELF.

I also have a few other things I’m working on in order to start the day much more aware that I’m “real world” testing, but for now, try these two things…

They are simple, quick and really make a tremendous difference for your day!

So, as you’re breaking your own “cycle of distraction”, remember that we’re in this together, learning lessons along the way…

I’ll talk to you soon,

C

The Over-Friendly Barista

Here is the Northwest, we LOVE our coffee…

And yeah, I know, Starbucks took over the world and kinda let our little “secret” about the hot water and beans out of the bag… But that’s okay.

Anyway, we have TONS of these drive-thru coffee places up here where you can get everything from a REALLY strong cup of coffee to the sweetest “foo-foo” sugary drink that you can imagine.

And yes, this goes along with the “snack-sized” life I talked about the other day… ALMOST in the same context…

But enough of that, back to my story.

I was in a close-by town and pulled into the coffee place. With a couple dollars in my hand I rolled down the window in anticipation of getting the hot “pick me up” that I wanted so bad…

The Barista was a good looking guy in his mid-20’s who immediately started asking me a thousand questions… Like “What are you doing today?”, “How often do you come here?” and everything else you could think of in the 30 seconds it takes to pour a cup of coffee.

It was almost unbearable because it was felt like he was being overly friendly on purpose.

I INSTANTLY started to make up a story in my head: Maybe he was having a great day and this was how it was coming out… Maybe he just got yelled at by his boss and needed to work on his “customer service” skills…

Really, for me, I felt almost patronized that he was being WAYYY too friendly. I felt myself starting to actually get offended by his over the top questions and seemingly (to me) “fake” concern.
I answered what I thought was appropriate and went on my way.

But it stuck with me… And it actually made a negative impression on me!

And this got me thinking… Can you really feel the “motivation” behind someone’s request? Can you get a “vibe” or a sense of something that doesn’t feel right?

Of course the answer is yes…

Okay, you might be asking yourself, how does this apply to dealing with my children…
And that’s a good question.

I believe that any child above the age of about 3 can sense a sort of “tone” behind your words… or better put, they have a natural instinct when it comes to getting a “vibe” about what you’re talking about.

This doesn’t mean that they actually DO something about it, nor do they judge it, but they do have insight that can prove to be interesting.

If you doubt this, ask your child when something like this happens… Like “hmmm… do you think they really meant it?” or whatever the situation requires.

Of course this doesn’t mean that you need to watch everything you say or that everything you do is going to be placed under a microscope.

Consider this a gentle reminder that kids are smarter than we think! ha ha!

What do you think? Have you had a similar experience as I did?

So, as we’re staying true to ourselves in our language remember that we’re in this together, learning lessons along the way!

Talk to you soon,

Cliff

http://SingleParentSurvivalGuide.com

Bite-Sized Culture: A Life Of Snacking

It’s too easy to be critical of the way things are in society…

I mean, let’s face it, there is alot of unrest in the country, wars are being fought on the Internet (and in the real world) and our kids are faced with many challenges that we didn’t have to deal with until we were in our 20’s…

Okay, enough with the ‘negative’ talk…

One of the reasons I wrote the Single Parent Survival Guide is because I wanted to make a difference… I wanted to make a difference in the lives of those around me and in the lives of everyone I come into contact with.

And I’ve been thinking alot about how society, especially the Internet world I’m involved with, is moving so fast that it’s almost dizzying!

In fact, I’m going to go so far as to say that we live in a “snack sized” culture… It seems that everything comes in “bite sized” pieces that are easy to digest.

I mean, come on, instead of buying albums we buy songs on iTunes… And if that isn’t enough, we then buy just the ring-tone instead of the song.

People, for the most part, are demanding more and that things be literally “instant”.

I don’t want to even expend the energy to think about what this means as a society, but I wanted to turn this around and use these thoughts as an opportunity to remind us how important being a parent is and how much of an impact you really have on your child.

Amid all the MySpace comments, emails and text’s that your child receives, do they know that they are loved? Do they know that they are the most important thing in your life and you’d do anything for them?

Chances are they do, but maybe take just a few minutes out today to tell your child how much you love them and how much they mean to you.

Even if it doesn’t appear that it’s making a difference, it will… Maybe not now, but it will be something that’s remembered when they are depressed or feeling sad.

It might not seem like it’s making an impact, but I assure you that it is!

I’ll be thinking more about this in the next few weeks as I am testing some special ways to let kids know they are loved.

So, as your taking the time today to “buck” the “snack-sized” culture, remember that we’re in this together, learning lessons along the way.

Talk to you soon,

Cliff

The Unknown About Parenting

Last week I shared with you some deep stuff about your Path and your Purpose…

And while I didn’t plan on having a “weekly theme”, I did think that it was a bit much to cram into a single blog.

But when I get “moved” I need to start writing it out!

It also was something that was originally inspired by a quote I saw at the bottom of an email. (I believe that I talked about this in last Monday’s blog).

So, it’s really funny where we find inspiration and creation… I mean, it’s really all around us at all times… Sometimes we don’t see it nor do we even know that we’re being creative! ha ha!

And being a Single Parent, I’m sure that you can relate to “tapping into” a stream of creation (or creativity) many times during the day.

Maybe it’s the packing of a lunch, like drawing a smily face on the sack, or it’s the ‘make believe’ legos creation where a couple blocks stuck together is a space ship and your stomach is the Moon! ha ha!

In fact, I bet you can more than just simply “relate” to being creative, you LIVE it!
And what a GREAT place to be!

So, if you are reading this right now and have no idea what I’m talking about, think about the last five interactions you’ve had with your child. Think about the times when you were really focused on them and really got into what they were playing.

And this reminds me of something else… and yes, it’s another quote!

Awhile ago I was listening to Deepak Chopra and he said something that’s stuck with me for quite awhile… That was “The Unknown Is Just Another Way To Get Creative“…

I believe the context was relating directly to problems and challenges… but as Single Parents, this applies to tapping into the creativity that’s around us too.

Now, I’m sure that you’re not **afraid** of the unknown… I mean, you really are a Super Single Parent, eh? That takes alot of prowess and skill that you NATURALLY have…

But I’m sure that you at least KNOW someone who is afraid of the Unknown…

And can you remember back to the first time you realized that you were going to be a Parent?
Or, better yet, do you remember the first time you held your child in your arms? Those were part of the “unknown”, right??

Here’s another example… and it’s a funny one that I’m sure you can relate to…

Like many four year olds, my daughter LIVES within this realm of creation and imagination…

She often sets up her stuffed animals and asks me to come in her room. She then gives me directions and tells me the role I’m playing…

Often it’s “pet store man”, where she leaves the room and shuts the door. She then knocks on the door, comes in and starts to peruse the “pets”.

After thinking about it, she weights the options and makes an educated “purchase”… usually choosing her favorite rabbit over the puppy and a tower of pre-built legos. (Yes, legos in our house can be a pet!)

Really, the point here is that creativity surrounds us.

And the “unknown” aspects of parenting are only stumbling blocks that are “pre-created” by our minds.

Not only are you a SUPER Single Parent, you are a SAVVY Single Parent who can take on anything that comes your way, even if it’s something that seems incredibly challenging at first. I encourage you to embrace those feelings of fear when it comes to the “unknown” and use your natural intelligence to overcome them with velocity!

So, as you are creating your Parenthood in the “unknown”, remember that we’re in this together learning lessons along the way!

Talk to you soon,

Cliff

http://SingleParentSurvivalGuide.com/

Sharing Your Parenting Path and Purpose

Well, we’re at the end of another week…

And I’ve laid some pretty heavy stuff on you when it comes to knowing your Path and your Purpose in life as a Single Parent.

I also defined what those mean for me, why I think it’s important to know these and I even shared my OWN Path and Purpose!

And now I’m going to take this a step further…

But before I do, I want to encourage you to really THINK about this one.

This stuff didn’t come OVERNIGHT to me, nor do I expect you to come to a full realization of your Path and your Purpose from just a couple blog entries!

So, before I give more insight into how to really make your path and purpose work for you, I wanted to mention that it’s okay to take some time and dwell on these…

Okay, enough of that…

Where this REALLY comes into play and hits home, is when you start to SHARE your Path and Purpose with others…

There’s alot of POWER in sharing… especially something so intimate and close to you.
You see, when others are “in tune” with your mission (the combination of your Path and your Purpose), it then moves BEYOND you and into the realm of knowledge for others… This might sound a little “woo woo” on the surface, but the reality is that it’s through the sharing with others and the verbal accountabiliy that naturally arises that you can STAY on your path!

And if you share and they “blow you off” or don’t seem to really care, don’t take it personally…

I’d imagine that it’s not their intention to make you feel that way, but it might happen.

If it does, it’s not about you… They either don’t “get it” or they don’t WANT to get it.

Just keep in mind that this isn’t a reflection on YOU.

So, take some time this weekend to think about your Path and your Purpose in life…

Think about how it relates to your children, your job, your relationships and all the other aspects of your busy life. Reflect on what’s important to you as your a parent, a mentor and a role-model to your children.

Oh yeah, and if you have any questions or need some support, please feel free to write me directly…

My email address is Cliff@SingleParentSurvivalGuide.com… I’d love to hear from you about your story, your success or your struggle…

So, as we’re sharing our Path and our Purpose with others, remember that we’re in this together, learning lessons along the way!

Talk to you soon,

Cliff

http://SingleParentSurvivalGuide.com

The Evolving Parenting Path

This week I’ve been discussing Path and Purpose… and I even shared yesterday how I was inspired by a tag line from an email I’d received… just proving that this “higher idea” of having a purpose and a defined path is all around us!

I also shared my purpose with you… and if you’ve ever taken the chance and shared something with anohter person, you can relate to how liberating of a feeling it is to be authentic and real!
So, really, sharing is for BOTH of us…

I believe that the Path and Purpose are equally as important… and you might have one figured out before the other… if this is the case, don’t worry about it, the other will come soon.
And the reason I say that the other will come soon is because they work congruently with each other.

Okay, enough with the reasons… You’re probably wondering **what is my “path”**?

So, you’re PATH itself is the 30,000 foot view, so to speak… but you’re looking at Google Maps.
In other words, its the overview that will take you to your purpose.

Think of your path as being the thing that contains the WAY to get to something (*your purpose*) and the roadmap to make it.

It’s the direction you are going, but it’s also more than that… Knowing your path will give you a sort of “filter” in which your pupose can live.

Yesterday I shared with you my Purpose, so, today I am going to share with you my path…

And please keep in mind that this is incredibly personal and it fits me right now…

My Path in life is Evolution, constantly and consciously evolving.

This might sound a bit generic on the surface, but if you really think about it for awhile it will start to sink in…

And you know what works really well for me?

I put something “down” for awhile and come back to it later… if it still makes sense, I keep it…

And if it’s really good, I start to take it on other *levels*…. and those are the good ones!

So, as you can imagine, I didn’t arrive at this overnight. It took some time to come to this particular thought, get the phrasing correct so that it encompassed excactly what my thoughts were, and then I simply made it my own.

Be thinking about what’s important to you and how you want to get there… when you start to see similarities and they naturally begin to bridge together, you’re on your way.

Being a Single Parent, I really encourage you to think about this and find YOUR place… We have the common thread of raising children on our own, but our stories are unique and special in their own way.

As your Parenting Path is becoming more clear to you remember that we’re in this together, learning lessons along the way!

Talk to you soon,

Cliff

http://SingleParentSurvivalGuide.com

Path, Purpose and Parenting

Last week I mentioned something passively in the “predict the future” blog that I wanted to go back and address.

The “thing” I seemingly glossed over was the mention of your path and your purpose.

And while, yes, this blog is about Single Parenting, I wanted to clean up this notion of the path and purpose. Both affect you as a Parent and when they are aligned, it’s amazing…

They are two distinct things, but both very important to talk about.

But before I get too into this, I wanted to mention that the foundation of my original philosophy is that if you aren’t put together, your family will reflect that…

This means that it’s important that you pay attention to your health, both physical and mental… and when you have a clear and defined path that you’re on and a distinct purpose for your life, you are like a laser: Unstoppable!

So, your path is what you “do”… Think of your path as being your lot in life, but the WAY that you get to your purpose.

In other words, your path isn’t your job, what kind of clothes you wear or who you hang out with… those are all “external” things that (in a way) relate to your path, but don’t define it.

To be on your path, and keep in mind that there is no PROPER path, only what’s important to YOU, you must know your purpose.

Your Purpose is the reason you do the things you do… Here’s an example:

My purpose in life is helping other’s succeed.

By being the person who knows his purpose, I can define what is important to me and where I put my energy. A good example of knowing my purpose - and if my purpose is helping others - is writing this blog… I have taken the time out of my day to write down my ideas and share them with you…

The negative flip-side to this is taking it on a literal level: Taken out of context this could mean loaning money to people when I don’t have it or pushing myself so hard that if other’s don’t succeed, I consider myself a failure… this is an example of not having a purpose defined properly.

I’ve also observed that when you know your path and your purpose you have a tendency to DRAW people towards you that can assist you… It allows you to be more “in tune” with what you are doing and you automatically focus on the things that really matter.

You see, when you know your path and purpose in life, and you are in alignment with it, you are like an unstoppable machine, both consciously and unconsciously… But I’ll save the “esoteric” stuff for another blog this week!

And you know how it’s kinda “funny” and “scary in a good way” when those little coincidences happen??

Well, literally AS I WAS WRITING this blog I got an email from a wonderful mommy who is subscribed to my Newsletter…

We were talking about how kids do amazing things and how great it was to observe the funny things kids do… And at the end of her mail was the tag line “true happiness is not attained through self-gratification but through fidelity to a worthy purpose.”

First off, that’s a GREAT quote… and applicable to ALL of us on many different levels.
Secondly, it went along perfectly with what I was writing about in today’s blog!

This week I’ll be sharing with you a little more how I found my path and my purpose… and fleshing out those ideas a little more.

So, as your figuring out YOUR path and YOUR purpose in life, remember that we’re in this together, learning lessons along the way!

Talk to you soon,

Cliff

http://SingleParentSurvivalGuide.com/